I complained to my doctor recently about some abdominal bloating, and he recommended that I get a colonoscopy, to look for problems. I wasn't too thrilled about this piece of advice, however, I did want to know what the problem was, so I agreed to it. A colonoscopy is when a doctor puts a small camera, about the shape of your little finger, up your butt. Naturally it has a 10 foot cord connected to it, but not all ten feet are used...

In order to prepare for this modern-day torture, I was instructed to buy and use some very potent laxatives, which could be found at any pharmacy. One day before my appointment I mixed 1.5 oz of laxative, with 8 oz of water, and drank it. Ten minutes later I repeated this procedure, and then another ten minutes later I repeated it again! I did plan ahead for this day, and made very certain that I had a toilet plunger, 24 rolls of toilet-paper, and access to a TV, radio, and some reading material. Oh yes, I also had a fan, and I opened the small restroom window...

What happened next is fairly obvious, and I'm certain that you can use your imagination to form a relatively clear picture of the hyper-active removal of solid and non-solid waste... I was instructed to 'use the restroom often', as this would be my temporary workout room, as it were. I was also told to drink at least 64 oz of fluids, such as water or Sprite soda pop, before going to bed that evening. The next morning I had to re-take the laxative again, and with the same general instructions as before. By this time I was fairly empty inside, and did not have any further need for additional laxatives...

Last Tuesday afternoon I went to the medical plaza, and I was told to remove all clothing, except for my sox and shoes, which I did. I was now wearing a hospital gown, and basically butt naked. I was placed on a gurney, and parked in front of a very LARGE window, facing a motel's entrance. I wasn't too certain if I wanted to be placed on display like this. The nurse told me that even though I could see out, they could NOT see in. I was still a bit nervous, but I didn't complain further. Thirty minutes later I was given a muscle relaxant IV, and later wheeled into the main surgery, for my turn at the colonoscopy. (oh joy)

Once inside, I was wheeled to the center of the room, given two more shots, through the IV port, and the doctor asked me 20 questions. After the questions, I was too sleepy to answer more questions, and the proceedure began. I woke up a few times, but I don't really remember much about it. Later, much much later, after I recovered and got dressed, the doctor sat down with me, and told me about the results of the colonoscopy. I was OK, but they did remove two snips of pollups for testing. The doctor said that this was normal, and that I shouldn't worry. I wasked him when I should have this done again, and he said 10 years later!

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